Eskimo Clark saved the lives of 4 people yesterday
Let's set the scene. It's my first table of the day, my fourth day in a row getting fucked in the ass with an 18" chainsaw, at that. No tournament downs (that's where the real money is), and not even getting to deal until an hour and a half into my shift. In summary...the start of my 4th day of losing money. But I digress.....
The game is Padooky, or Padookie, or Thisgamesucksdookey, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Basically, its 4 card, triple draw, low ball, where suits matter. The best hand is A,2,3,4, with one of each suit. If you have K,Q,J,T all four suits, you beat A,2,3,4, with one suit counterfeited. It's the geighest game in the planet. Until this stint in degenerate alley, I've never heard of the game, obviously never played the game, and certainly never DEALT the game.
So, back to the start of day 4 of the lumbarjack games being played in my anal cavity. Needless to say, my mood is not the best. I get stuck on this game...sight unseen. No biggie...I am a gamer, I can figure it out. Here's the catch...this game is not for $.50/$1.00 or anything of the sort. It is $400/$800!! Not really a good time to learn how to RUN a game from scratch. One fuck up, leading to a possible misdeal, could mean, literally, 10s of THOUSANDS.
I sit down in the box. If I had eaten a lump of coal the night before, I would easily have shit out a diamond that would make that blue piece of shit from Titanic look like a brown M&M that had been sitting on the dashboard of a car in the Gobi Desert. Thank GOD for Eskimo Clark. For starters, let me just say this: If you have formed some opinion on EC based on what you seen on TV, and it is negative, you are DEAD wrong. My personal thoughts on the guy were ambivolent, but I can assure you - that guy is one of the nicest poker players there is. He could sense my fear like a rabid dog senses the mailman. He took control of the game for the first couple of hands, while I figured out wtf I was doing. But don't kid yourself...high limit players are cocksuckers. The rest of the table was ruthless. Some asian d00d, who needed my foot in his ass *now known as SADWNMFIHA, and probably the brother of SADWMMTB* was on my ASS. There were three other pricks at the table as well, but they calmed down....eventually. If it wasn't for EC, and his taking control of the table, and basically putting the other donkey fuckers in their place, I am quite sure I would have an arraignment scheduled for 4 counts of Murder in the 2nd degree sometime next month. At one point, I was about 3.4 seconds away from grabbing SADWNMFIHA by the throat *he was conveniently sitting in seat 1* and strangling him into submission. Had I succeeded in that - well, I would've succeeded had I gone through with it, but you know what I mean - I would've just picked off the other three in principal. So again, EC saved the lives of 4 people the other day....5 if you include me NOT getting 50,000 volts of prime Las Vegas 'tricity coursing thru my body. I made 10 whole dollars that down (a down is 30 minute session on a table, for those of you who don't know) Getting 10 dollars a down, as a poker dealer, is like expecting Jenna Jameson to give you head, but getting Cowboy Kenna James instead.
Needless to say, Padooky become an instant hatred of mine (although, ironically enough, it seems like a pretty cool game to play).
Fast forward to the next day. Guess who, after waiting for another HOUR to get an assignment, gets to start off on $400/$800 padooky again? Yep, yours truly. Thankfully, this particular table was FUN. EC was there again, John Juanda was to my immediate left, and a SHITLOAD of money was on the table. I am talking about 10s of 1000s of dollars per person. I got my mandatory Kenna James felatio on the first hand, of course. But, after about 4 or 5 hands...fireworks erupted. A pot that would pay for my entire undergrad education at Kansas State University, was pushed to some asian d00d who never got off the phone *now known as MY FAVORITE PADOOKY PLAYER EVER, or MFPPE for short. I pushed him a 5 digit pot and he tosses me a greenbird *$25 chip* and says..."That's for you!" I was looking for the EMT's to come running over with their portable paddles, charge to 300 and yell "CLEAR". Gawd bless MFPPE.
I am now unclear as to what I think about this game........
The game is Padooky, or Padookie, or Thisgamesucksdookey, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Basically, its 4 card, triple draw, low ball, where suits matter. The best hand is A,2,3,4, with one of each suit. If you have K,Q,J,T all four suits, you beat A,2,3,4, with one suit counterfeited. It's the geighest game in the planet. Until this stint in degenerate alley, I've never heard of the game, obviously never played the game, and certainly never DEALT the game.
So, back to the start of day 4 of the lumbarjack games being played in my anal cavity. Needless to say, my mood is not the best. I get stuck on this game...sight unseen. No biggie...I am a gamer, I can figure it out. Here's the catch...this game is not for $.50/$1.00 or anything of the sort. It is $400/$800!! Not really a good time to learn how to RUN a game from scratch. One fuck up, leading to a possible misdeal, could mean, literally, 10s of THOUSANDS.
I sit down in the box. If I had eaten a lump of coal the night before, I would easily have shit out a diamond that would make that blue piece of shit from Titanic look like a brown M&M that had been sitting on the dashboard of a car in the Gobi Desert. Thank GOD for Eskimo Clark. For starters, let me just say this: If you have formed some opinion on EC based on what you seen on TV, and it is negative, you are DEAD wrong. My personal thoughts on the guy were ambivolent, but I can assure you - that guy is one of the nicest poker players there is. He could sense my fear like a rabid dog senses the mailman. He took control of the game for the first couple of hands, while I figured out wtf I was doing. But don't kid yourself...high limit players are cocksuckers. The rest of the table was ruthless. Some asian d00d, who needed my foot in his ass *now known as SADWNMFIHA, and probably the brother of SADWMMTB* was on my ASS. There were three other pricks at the table as well, but they calmed down....eventually. If it wasn't for EC, and his taking control of the table, and basically putting the other donkey fuckers in their place, I am quite sure I would have an arraignment scheduled for 4 counts of Murder in the 2nd degree sometime next month. At one point, I was about 3.4 seconds away from grabbing SADWNMFIHA by the throat *he was conveniently sitting in seat 1* and strangling him into submission. Had I succeeded in that - well, I would've succeeded had I gone through with it, but you know what I mean - I would've just picked off the other three in principal. So again, EC saved the lives of 4 people the other day....5 if you include me NOT getting 50,000 volts of prime Las Vegas 'tricity coursing thru my body. I made 10 whole dollars that down (a down is 30 minute session on a table, for those of you who don't know) Getting 10 dollars a down, as a poker dealer, is like expecting Jenna Jameson to give you head, but getting Cowboy Kenna James instead.
Needless to say, Padooky become an instant hatred of mine (although, ironically enough, it seems like a pretty cool game to play).
Fast forward to the next day. Guess who, after waiting for another HOUR to get an assignment, gets to start off on $400/$800 padooky again? Yep, yours truly. Thankfully, this particular table was FUN. EC was there again, John Juanda was to my immediate left, and a SHITLOAD of money was on the table. I am talking about 10s of 1000s of dollars per person. I got my mandatory Kenna James felatio on the first hand, of course. But, after about 4 or 5 hands...fireworks erupted. A pot that would pay for my entire undergrad education at Kansas State University, was pushed to some asian d00d who never got off the phone *now known as MY FAVORITE PADOOKY PLAYER EVER, or MFPPE for short. I pushed him a 5 digit pot and he tosses me a greenbird *$25 chip* and says..."That's for you!" I was looking for the EMT's to come running over with their portable paddles, charge to 300 and yell "CLEAR". Gawd bless MFPPE.
I am now unclear as to what I think about this game........
posted by Doc33 at 9:41 PM
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